A man and a woman will be about as happily married as they collectively choose to be. However, sometimes they have to go out and seek those simple little secrets that are part of the lives of the happily married people. This article is about those simple little secrets.

Any social worker will probably tell you that the three big causes of marriage breakdown are in the areas of

  • money
  • sex and
  • communication.


This page is about communication.

The Five Love Languages


Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a most useful book called The Five Love Languages. A married couple (let's call them Dave and Joan) I knew said that before they read that book, their marriage of 19 years was less than mediocre. After they read the book, they had meetings in their house teaching couples how to improve their marriages.

Touches & Favors


Before they read the book, Dave made a habit of touching Joan lots. That is because touch was one of Dave's main love languages. His touching did not communicate love to Joan because touch was not one of her main love languages.

Before they read the book, Joan made a habit of doing little favors for Dave lots. That is because acts of service was one of Joan's main love languages. Her acts of service did not communicate love to Dave because acts of service was not one of her main love languages.

These love languages can be as different from each other as English and Chinese. If the wife speaks only Chinese and the husband speaks only English, they will have trouble communicating.

The five love languages are

  • Touch
  • Acts of service
  • Quality time
  • Gifts and
  • Words of affirmation.


What a person must do is learn his/her spouse's top two love languages and then communicate lots using those languages.

There is more information about gifts elsewhere on the Internet.

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